Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Harvesting the Fruit from the Money Tree

Dear Tennessee Guest ~

I'm so so sorry to risk your money. But, the Great Sensible Wise State of Tennessee allows me to do it... so it must be OK with you, too.

You see, if i go out of business, you are SOoL [ that's code for 'out of luck' ]. The UNlucky part for you is that you will not get a refund and you will not have a reservation.

I spent over a million dollars of your money on clothes and cars and this and that. Sometimes my Operating Account was unable to cover my great big payroll so i would need to make a transfer to keep my employees happy (and, because i don't know exactly what i'm doing, it takes a lot of personnel to keep things going).

It isn't all bad... i will get to keep my cars and clothes, and i'll have enough cash to start up somewhere else. Nothing will happen to me because i operated within the law. Thank God the Tennessee Real Estate Commission does not care about you ~ or i would be the one who was SOoL.

Your Licensed (or not) Vacation Rental Management Company in Tennessee

Dear Tennessee Vacation Rental Property Owner ~

Oh my. I am so sorry your check is late, again. My escrow is short, again. I had to wait until i had made enough advance bookings and gathered enough advance deposits to make a deposit into my escrow account to cover the owner checks, again.

Now, i'm sweating my taxes, again. But i do have confidence in the booking public ~ they will come through for me, again and again. Thank God for that magic little paragraph in the rental contract that allows me to spend their deposit as i see fit. That's how i use their money to pay you. I realize this is a Ponzi Scheme (and that you are SICK, SICK, SICK of such a damn thing), but the State of Tennessee allows me to operate this way without any interference from a regulating agency.

I SHOULD be holding everyone's money safe and sound in my escrow. I SHOULD never take a penny for myself until i'm entitled to it. I SHOULD never have to worry about covering your checks and the tax checks and the cleaners' checks. But that is the price i am willing to pay in order to live my life in the fashion of which is too tempting not to when there is all this lovely, free money available to me (again, thank you State of Tennessee, and thank you to my cohorts who lobbied like hell to get the law changed in 2003). I don't want to run my business leaner and meaner and within my commission income.

I know, i know... because it's a Ponzi, i can never get out of the rental business. Well, except that i could, if i wanted to. [laughing] I will just go home one day if i feel like it and you will probably lose your house to foreclosure (because i owed you so much money). Not to sound callous, but why should that matter to me? Nothing bad will happen to me because i operated within the law. I don't think i'll even bother to get a license when i crank back up in the business. I've observed that this something the Tennessee Real Estate Commission feels is NOT any of THEIR business.

...sorry 'bout your luck,
Your Licensed (soon not) Vacation Rental Management Company in Tennessee

A NOTE FROM HAMMER: I'm not exaggerating. I wish i was.